Talk the Talk, Walk the Walk
Our daughter and me skipping around New York
I recently took one of those “what kind of parent are you?” online quiz. I'm a sucker for these quizzes because they promise to take something messy and complicated and hand you back a neat little label.
My results were interesting, but they didn’t fully satisfy me. So I dug deeper. It turns out there are many frameworks for describing parenting styles:
Permissive / Uninvolved / Authoritative / Authoritarian [link]
Partnership Navigator / Enforcer / People Pleaser / Happiness Manager / Cycle Breaker [link]
Helicopter, Snowplow [link]
Tiger / Jellyfish / Panda / Dolphin [link]
and the recent…FAFO [link]
Each of these frameworks offers language to describe how parents interact with their children: how much structure we provide, how much freedom we allow, and how we respond when things go wrong.
But as I read through them, I kept coming back to something else.
Humans learn by mimicking. We learn to walk, speak, and move through the world by watching the people around us. Kids, in particular, spend an enormous amount of time observing their parents during the most formative years of their lives. That made me wonder:
What if one of the most powerful parenting tools isn’t what we say or enforce, but what we model?
In other words…what would Lead by Example parenting look like?
Can we raise happy, capable kids by investing in ourselves and becoming people they can genuinely look up to? Can we live our values in ways our children absorb naturally, without lectures or pressure?
Because if we say friendships are important but never make time for friends, what message actually lands?
If we say reading is fun and meaningful, but never pick up a book ourselves, will our kids believe us?
If we tell our children, “You can be anything you want to be,” but shy away from difficult goals or growth, is that inspiring … or confusing?
For me, this is where parenting becomes less about control and more about alignment.
So what does that look like in real life? I try to be honest when I don’t know something, or when I make a mistake. I model having an identity beyond work and family roles by spending time with friends and nurturing my own interests. And it goes both ways: my daughter reminds me of what pure joy is. She teaches me to be sillier, to loosen up, to laugh loudly and without embarrassment as we belt out “Zoo” in the car together.
I hope Lead by Example parenting becomes less of a slogan and more of a common practice. Not because it’s perfect, but because it asks something meaningful of parents too.
The goal isn’t perfection. It’s growth, for our kids and for ourselves, while accepting the imperfect nature we all share as humans.
Bonus: Summary of Common Parenting Styles
Below are five widely used metaphors for parenting styles. Most parents move between several of these depending on the moment, the child, and their own personality.
Tiger Parenting: Discipline and High Expectations
Tiger parenting emphasizes structure, discipline, and achievement. Parents set high standards and often prioritize outcomes over emotions.
What it can build: grit, discipline, strong performance
What it can cost: anxiety, fear of failure, strained relationships
Without warmth and emotional support, children may feel valued primarily for what they achieve.
Dolphin Parenting: Firm, Flexible, and Emotionally Aware
Often described as a healthy middle ground, dolphin parenting balances structure with empathy. Parents guide rather than command, allowing struggle while remaining emotionally present.
What it can build: resilience, confidence, emotional intelligence
What it requires: patience, consistency, self-regulation
This style emphasizes guidance over control and connection before correction.
Helicopter Parenting: Hovering to Protect
Helicopter parents stay closely involved in their child’s academic, social, and emotional world, stepping in quickly to prevent mistakes.
What it can build: short-term security, feeling supported
What it can cost: independence, confidence, coping skills
Over time, children may struggle to trust themselves or manage challenges alone.
Snowplow Parenting: Clearing the Path
Snowplow parenting removes obstacles before children encounter them — fixing problems in advance to prevent discomfort or failure.
What it can build: temporary ease, fewer early frustrations
What it can cost: resilience, frustration tolerance, problem-solving skills
When challenges inevitably arise later in life, these skills become essential.
Free-Range Parenting: Independence Through Experience
Free-range parenting emphasizes autonomy and trust, allowing children to learn through exploration and natural consequences.
What it can build: independence, confidence, self-regulation
What it can cost: safety or emotional support if taken too far
When paired with warmth and guidance, it can be deeply empowering.
So… Which One Is “Right”?
Most parents don’t fit neatly into one category and that’s a good thing. Parenting styles shift based on:
A child’s age and temperament
The situation (safety vs. learning moment)
A parent’s own stress level or upbringing
Many point to dolphin parenting as a balanced approach. The real work isn’t choosing the right label, but noticing how we show up (when we’re pushing too hard, hovering too close, or stepping too far back) and adjusting with intention.
Because parenting isn’t about control or perfection. It’s about teaching our kids how to swim in the waters of life and trusting them enough to let go, slowly, one day at a time.
